Backsliding

Last night hit me like a ton of bricks. The familiar feeling of insecurity again resurfaced and the eternal question kept asking itself once more.

So I whined and wallowed in misery and ranted and threw mini-tantrums and upon waking up today, I again realized just how tired and overplayed the whole thing had become.

Been there, done that, so let's not go back there ever again.

Now I remember why I did what I did, but I still don't understand why I do what I do and more specifically, why I do this to myself.

Get over it.

And with that, I once again turn on my happy mode.

*************

Blind Item
X met Y. X liked Y, and so the meddlesome friends (that would be "J") told Y. Y just shrugged her shoulders and seemed oblivious to the whole thing.

Until V stepped in and expressed a more than apparent interest in X. Now the story becomes convoluted at this point because Y does not like V, she thinks that V is irritating and pretentious. So now Y is adamant on "one-upping" V. The mission now is: What the irritating and pretentious V wants, V must never get. And V obviously more than wants X.

At present, strategies are being plotted and battle lines have been drawn, all because of the unassuming X.

So what is my, I mean, J's part in all of this? J has chosen her corner of the ring and is waging on the raging Y.

Let the games begin!

P.S.
Y would like to clarify that she still does not like X, but she hates V and that hatred more than overpowers her so-so stance with regard to X. Let it not be said that the affections of a piddling boy is what's at stake here. What's at stake is something so much greater and that would be everyone's favorite source of downfall "Pride".

Bratinella

I just got back from Bohol a few hours ago and apparently, my cousin has internet connection on his PC so this here would be my update :)

They say that you learn about a person's character during a long road trip, I guess some wise man must have said that because I discovered a lot about myself, my Daddy Ben, Mommy Lou and ate Grace during the two days we motored around the Bohol countryside.

In Bohol, I was constantly reminded of what the mother in "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" said about the father being the head of the family but the mother being the neck which turns the head. Daddy Ben was the apparent head with his booming voice and his "My way or the highway" actuations. I got a first hand glimpse of how authoritative he must have been as a judge through his interaction with Nong Joe, the driver. "Joe! Why are you making a right? Did I tell you to make a right?" and then Mommy Lou would chastise him saying:"Shhh...Stop shouting at him." to which he would then reply "Oh, I'm not shouting at him, my voice may be raised but I'm not shouting!". Nyark!

But in fairness to him, even in normal conversations, his voice does tend to be a bit overpowering. So maybe there is some semblance of truth to his defense.

Mommy Lou bought a map of Bohol and so would consult it every now and then to ascertain where we were, but it appeared as if she wasn't fast or accurate enough because we would miss turns every now and then prompting Daddy Ben to say (in his booming voice of course, but remember, he's not shouting) "Do you even know how to use that map?! The directions are so easy but we keep on missing the turns!" In response to this, Mommy Lou would slowly fold the map and then hand it over to him "Ok, you guide us then." and almost instantaneously, we would miss the next turn. After a while, he would then hand her back the map but she would just refuse it saying: "I don't want to touch that. I might get scolded again" to which he would just laugh sheepishly.

As for myself, my hidden secret of being a certified brat began rearing it's ugly head in Bohol. It first manifested itself yesterday morning when Daddy Ben woke us up so that we could all go swimming in the beach. It was already 7am by then and the whole day of Saturday, he kept on yammering about how we were going to hear the 8am mass at the Baclayon Church (the oldest stone church in the Philippines); how it would be such a privilege to celebrate mass in such a historic spot blab-blah-blah, because of such brainwashing, I had already set my mind to the fact that upon waking up, I just had enough time to get ready to hear mass. So I was slightly irked to be awakened with "You can still go swimming for 5-10 minutes before we go to church! Hurry up!" After hearing that 3-5 times I adamantly refused to get up and brattily said: "I'm not going swimming only to be told 5 minutes later to get out of the water because I still have to prepare for mass".

I know, brat alert. I immediately felt sorry after saying that and I guess Daddy Ben also realized just how much of a killjoy he was shaping up to be and so we reached a compromise. It was impliedly agreed that we would not kill ourselves trying to catch the 8am mass and would just attend any mass we would happen to pass by. I mean c'mon, we were on vacation right? No need to set a rigid time table. This brat thought she had had her way once again, but he had the last laugh with our compromise, as I would later on discover.

After having breakfast at a family friend's house, we passed by this small chapel which was holding mass. We immediately stopped and entered but we only reached the part prior to the singing of the "Our Father". We stayed until the end of the ceremony and I thought that was that. Sunday obligation finished. However, right after the sight-seeing, he immediately began talking about hearing mass again! I guess his conscience kept on bothering him about only attending one-third of the celebration. So we drove around and looked for churches. After stopping by the 3rd church, we finally found one currently celebrating mass but again we only reached the singing of the "Our Father". So of course, the search continued. By this time, my bratty mode had turned into my wise-ass mode so I'd pretend-whisper to my cousin Grace "So if we catch the beginning of the mass in the next church, we have to go out by the singing of the "Our Father". I mean, we already saw that part twice!" and we would just burst out in giggles. Loads of fun, I kid you not.

What made it even funnier for me was that Mommy Lou and Daddy Ben did genuinely enjoy the church visits and really intended to go back to Bohol for the sole purpose of visiting all the churches there. Well, guess who's not coming back to Bohol with them any time soon? :)

Another bratty moment occured when we boarded the ferry boat which would bring us back to Cebu and, lo and behold, there was this middle-aged woman on my assigned bunk bed. I mean, we were the only people there and she had to pick my bunk of the 50 or so available, empty bunks in the room! She gave this supposedly sob story of feeling uncomfortable in her assigned bunk and so left the decision to us whether or not we would deprive an elderly lady of her comfort. By then, I was tired and sleepy and just wanted to lie down so it was a good thing that the diplomatic Mommy Lou did the talking. But Mommy Lou is a softie so we ended up moving bed, only to vacate them a few minutes later because the ones assigned to them already arrived.


Apparently, what the little old lady said about the trip not being fully booked was a big fat lie. So we moved again only to be told that we had to go to our assigned bunks. Again, Mommy Lou did the talking and gently explained to the little old lady about the situation. But the little old lady would not give up that easily and instead pointed out her own assigned bunk hoping that one of us would stay there. Right then and there, I had a mental image of rudely depositing her and her platinum colored hair on her assigned bunk but diplomacy once again reigned supreme and Mommy Lou explained to her that all four of us wanted to stay close together during the trip (which turned out to be the right decision because the most God-awful snoring came from her side of the room!). So the little old lady gave us a rueful smile and slowly moved her one dozen or so carry-ons to the other side. I carried some of her bags and had to grit my teeth when she started patronizing me with: "Ambait-bait naman! You didn't have to! Oh no, you didn't have to!"

Yup, I'm a brat. However, I acknowledge the fact of my brattiness and am more than aware when my brat mode begins to activate itself, so I immediately suppress it or do damage control. Because like all brats, I can't stand brats.

*Author's note: This post has been greatly edited from the time it was first published. Author is amazed at the amount of typo and grammatical errors she can come up with early in the morning.

A Tribute

I'm finally through with my Property orals! And because I was just so darn fantastic, (or maybe because Daddy Prof had more than enough of my face and ramblings) I wasn't required to repeat my orals! So this means that I am now officially on my sembreak :)

(Pause so that my dear readers can whine and turn green with envy)

Anyway, as a personal tribute to the first sem and the people who made it exciting, amusing, fearsome, heart-breaking, tension-inducing and gut-wrenching, I present to you, actual classroom snippets from my professors during the first sem. Enjoy!

Baltic: How will you know if a child is competent to act as a witness? Through voire dire that's how! What will you then ask the child in voire dire? (student answers) Sus naman! Your questions are so philosophical! Even an adult will have difficulty answering that. If I were the judge, I'll ask the little boy just one thing to prove his competence. C'mon, ask me what I'll ask him (student asks) I'll ask him: Where's your birdy? HAHAHAHAHAHA! If he can answer that, then he's more than competent to testify! HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Daddy Prof: Do all rivers flow to the sea? Or do only lonely rivers flow to the sea, to the sea (then proceeds to sing "Unchained Melody")

Why should you never look a gift horse in the mouth? Because you might find little Athenians hiding inside, that's why.

You can't use an ordinary hammer's claw to remove a big nail holding two pieces of lumber together, the hammer's handle will only break. You need a crowbar because the effort arm should be longer. (pauses) You have no idea what I'm talking about? It's okay. That's why you're in law school, it's because you're not good at science and physics.

Ma'am Chit: Class! Quiet! Listen to Mr.Esquivias! This is important! He's about to tell us the techniques in choosing clear copies of pirated DVDs! Go on Mr.Esquivias, please explain.

Dean Carale: You know why back in my day we all got good grades? It's because we had nothing else to do but study! Putangina! Ampapangit ng mga babae non sa law school! Buti pa, yung libro na lang yung tingnan namin! (All the girls in law school back then were ugly, so we might as well just look at our books!).

Ma'am Chriscy: I always thought that those tire salbabidas in the beach were the actual tires used in a car. So I was so embarassed when I told my friend: Grabe naman those tires, they're so pudpod! and then she told me: Ummm...Chriscy, that's just the tubing, not the Firestone or Goodyear.

Anyway, I just told you this so you won't get pahiya like I did then.

Doc Avila: You know why X lost the case? Because his lawyer wasn't from UP, that's why.

Doc Pascual: Then you crack open the ribcage and take out the organs one at a time. The heart, the liver, the kidney, the intestine...kinda makes you hungry huh?

And with that tribute, I leave the memories of the first sem behind and bravely face the second sem with a song in my heart and a lilt to my step.

Cebu and Bohol, here I come!

(Again, pause. So that Mud has time to turn green with envy.)

Au revoir mes amis!

I'll blog again as soon as I return home or as soon as I can drop by an internet cafe in Cebu, whichever comes first.

Jillsabs signing off.

Good Luck

This boy will be taking the DLSU Entrance Exam today at 8am.

Good luck Melshki!

I hope to see you on the green side of Araneta at next year's UAAP basketball game.

P.S.
This had to be a sneaky post because Melshki-welshki was in the room while I was typing this.

Mwahahahaha! Nice face kid :) Gotcha!

THE ULTIMATE SILENCE
October 12, 1998



Listen to the mustn'ts, child.
Listen to the don'ts.
Listen to the shouldn'ts,
The impossibles, the won'ts.
Listen to the never haves,
Then listen close to me ...
Anything can happen, child.
Anything can be.

~ Shel Silverstein

Six years ago today, Matthew Shepard was murdered for being homosexual.

What will you do to end the silence?

Click here to post this on your own page or weblog

Everything and Nothing

*Upon seeing the ex driving along Katipunan with his significant other, the first thought that came to my mind was "Nyar! Buhay pa siya!" (He's still alive!)

*It was a lousy, sad and protracted break-up but could there really be a break-up if there wasn't a "relationhip" to begin with? Yup, because even friends break up.

*The above traipse through memory lane was triggered by this.

*How did I know I was over him? It was probably the first time I saw something I normally associated with him and did not even wince. Miracles do happen kiddies.

*Or probably the first time I started checking out guys again.

*Or probably the first time I could "make kwento" about what happened to us without resorting to a "woe is me" tone of voice and eventually found the comedy in the whole farce.

*Bottomline is, time does heal all wounds (but there was a time when I would have rather that the saying went something like: Time wounds all heels).

*But will I go out with him again, if only for our past friendship's sake? Just to show that I'm a sport? Nah, I don't think so. I don't think I can stomach being anybody's soundingboard ever again. Mentionitis is such a pain and a bore.

*So the status quo is: Just shopping but not buying any time soon. Thank you.

*(The following portion is a public service announcement so y'all better listen.)People! PAL, Cebu Pacific and Air Phils have ongoing promos! But the catch is that you have to finish your travel by Oct.22 (next Friday) and buy your ticket by Oct.15 (THIS Friday). I got my Manila-Cebu ticket from Air Phils for only P1,485! Kiddies, I'm going beaching for the next two weeks!

*There's also an ongoing promo for Boracay. It's roughly 5-6k and it's inclusive of roundtrip airfare and accomodations. So for all the burned out and overworked people out there, this is your chance to party and chill! Carpe diem!

*The itinerary is as follows: Manila-Cebu-Malapascua-Bohol-Moalboal. I'm finally getting my picture taken with a tarsier! Yahoo!

*I just hope the weather cooperates (cross your fingers).

*My sister rudely pointed out last night that my arms are "Kadiri!". In short, I've gone soft. Flabby. Jiggly. Shet. Damn these exams and the corresponding lack of motion they bring! So guess who'll be doing bicep curls today while listening to her Property tapes? Maybe I'll do some sit-ups as well and then lay off the soy sauce and cut down on the rice. Gotta get beach ready :)

*I'm picking up my ticket on Friday and then leaving next Thursday. Wala lang, I just wanted to share :)

*I inadvertently taught my 5 year old nephew some new words yesterday: Fucking jerk. He started it! He was bratting out again because I refused to get off the computer, so he called me a "stupid idiot" (my, the things kids learn from television thesed days!) and so out of reflex, I said that. But the good thing with my family is that nobody reacts violently or gets shocked with cuss words (because after all, they are just words and their power is only in the reaction they elicit) so the baby eventually stopped chanting "Fucking jerk" after a while.

*Just another ordinary day.

*I'm getting addicted to Starstruck again (Dream, Believe, Survive). They're finally showing who made the cut tonight. I'm excited :)

*I hate Property. Who cares what about easements (common law term) or servitudes (civil law term)?! Apparently I do. Or at least until Tuesday next week until I ace, I mean, finish my oral exam. Then it's off to fun and sun!

*You just gotta love Labitag and his "I hate checking papers so I just give one-on-one oral comprehensive exams" mentality *insert evil laugh*

*So there, my study mode is still turned out, but not for long. Oh yes kiddies, not for long...

Himala

I enjoyed Himala (Miracle) and I think you will too. So go out and watch it at the CCP's Little Theater!

How's that for a review? :) Mental note to self: Scratch out writing reviews as a possible job.

Anyway, I was actually surprised that I enjoyed the play. Because there were a few factors present there which would usually not merit the "Jillsabs Seal of Approval". First, the conversations were sung in Filipino, so at first I had a difficult time following the play (because admittedly Filipino is different from what we actually use on a daily basis). It went something like: Nagpakita sa aking ang mahal na Birhen. Kanyang itinakda na hilumin ko ang mga sugat ng mga taga-Cupang. Ako ang kanyang kasangkapan (The Virgin Mary appeared before me. She told me to heal the people of Cupang. I am her instrument.) But these words were sung and during the First Act, I found myself saying to myself: "Nya! They're going to sing again!!"

Second, the theme touched on religion and I normally steer clear of anything tinged with religion in my choice of fun things to do. However, although the story started with an "apparition" it did not stop there and went on to tackle other non-sectarian interests.

Third, it was not a comedy. I don't like to think when it comes to movies or plays. I want my movies and plays served on a silver platter of pure, unadulterated fun. However, I seriously found myself with hands sore from clapping after the final scene. What can I say, I enjoyed it. I had fun.

On the flipside, these are the things I enjoyed about Himala. First, it had this very haunting song sung by the townspeople (Elsa....Kami ay yung yakapin. Elsa...Kami ay yung hilumin. At wakasan ang paghihirap namin.) which really captured the mood of the entire play.

Second, the leads were so great! Isay Alvarez and May Bayot are extremely talented. It's not right for someone to be that talented and for others (read: me) to be not so much. It's not right I tell you...

Third, the stage was simple yet effective. I liked how the sides would open up to become windows and doors but when they were closed, they seemed to be mountains.

Fourth, the supporting cast was wonderful as well. More than anything else, I loved the crowd scenes. It was just so vibrant and dynamic. You could really feel every individual's love for acting in that they bloomed on stage.

Fifth, I liked the ending song which thankfully did not resort to a preachy tone. The gist would be: Why do you look for miracles from God? Can't you see that there is a miracle in the rain fallin? In a child coming out of his mother. In the kindness of the people around you. The miracle is inside you. You are God's miracle.

Thus, Nora Aunor's famous line in the movie version: Walang himala! Ang himala ay nasa puso niyo!. (There is no miracle. The miracle is inside your heart.)

I'm not going to spoil the ending for you (although if you've seen the movie then you'll know how it ends), I want you to gasp as loud as I did too :)

Watch it! Watch it! Watch it!

Caveat though, the First Act is quite slow but the Second Act is a veritable doozy. Oh yes, the Second Act rocks.

**********

I'm thinking of applying as an usherette at the CCP. The come on for me is "Enjoy watching a play while earning extra".

So yes, I'm between 21-28 years old.

Yes, I'm at least 5'3".

Yes, I have a pleasing personality (for the record, what is that really?).

Yes, I'm currently employed or studying.

And yes, I'm willing to work late nights and holidays (I can already foresee how this will clash with school but there's no harm in submitting a resume :).

So if anyone out there has any connections with the CCP, do put in a good word or two for me. Please tell them that I can usher(ette) really well.

Stuff

I didn't quite realize just how much of a baby I must have sounded in my last post until I read the comments left in my haloscan. In my defense, I don't really act like a child most of the time. Really.

Anyway, I really do appreciate the overwhelming support from my online neighbors and as an update to the post below, my mom is coming back to the Philippines on the 22nd as originally planned and will just go back to the US for her interview. If she still feels like it.

So I guess more than the economic need to go abroad, it really was just the mid-life crisis speaking out.

On another topic (without the proper transition, so sorry!), today's the last day of my Hell Week! Woohoo! So five exams down, only two more to go (but those two are spread out in a span of two weeks, so I'm switching on my "What? Me Worry?" mode.

The first thing I'm going to do after the Insurance exam this afternoon is to stop by the Cuenca Bazaar at AAV and get me a box of Kia and Norby's scrumptious, yummy and heavenly cookies. If the prior statement made you salivate, feel free to drop by Cuenca Park too and get your own box(es). And after that I'm going to sleep like it was going out of style.

zzzzzzzz....

Have a great weekend everyone!

Austerity Measures

Because the Philippines is slowly sinking into a shithole, my mom decided to study nursing.

Way before the boom in the "Be a nurse to get out of the Philippines" craze began, my mom already took an expedited special course for doctors who wanted to be nurses. And so in about a year and a half, she became a Registered Nurse. At first I thought it was just another one of her new hobbies, but I guess I was wrong.

Fast forward to two weeks ago when she went to San Francisco to take the NCLEX (another nursing exam) which she passed, making her a certified US RN.

So now there has been a change in plans. Instead of coming back home on the 22nd, she's thinking of staying there to work as an OB-GYNE nurse (whereas in the Philippines she was an OB-GYNE). An interview is coming up soon and if what they're going to offer is significantly higher than what she's getting here, then she's staying there indefinitely.

Sigh.

It is at this juncture that I don't know whether or not to wish her good luck or wish that her interview bombs. Of course I'm going to miss my mother! If she stays in the US to work, it will be for a minimum of six months so that she'll attain immigrant status. If that happens, my two youngest sibs will have the option of living in the US or staying here in the Philippines and, if the pay is good (meaning better than what she gets here) then mortgages and whatnots will be a thing of the past and my mom will no longer have to work as hard as she has been doing for the past 20 years or so.

Save for the "I'll be missing my kids and husband" drama, my mom is actually excited with the thought of staying. I think she sees it more as an adventure with a hefty paycheck and a hefty cut in professional responsibility than a regular job. Although arguably, it could also be a manifestion of her mid-life crisis kicking into overdrive.

So it really is the best option to take. It's just that, as aforementioned, I'm going to miss my mommy!

Sigh.

Anyway, while she's still pondering on her (and our) immediate future, austerity measures have been instituted at home. So that means:

1. My mom's car will have to be sold to help pay for the bills (so if anyone is interested in a white 2003 CRV with only 10k mileage, let's get in touch)

2. My dad will have to curb his "Let's go to SM and buy something, anything!" tendencies.

3. The kids at home will have to learn how to sleep without their AC units blasting non-stop (I mean cmon! It's already the -ber months!)

4. For me, that means commuting to school when the carpool is unavailable and only taking a car when necessary.

5. Less pizzas ordered and less eating outs.

6. Less impulsive shopping episodes for me and definitely no more monthly magazine binges.

7. No more Bohol/Boracay sembreak outing.

So, looking over my list, it's not really that bad. It's not like I'm gonna go ala Jasmine Trias any time soon and start singing "Kailan Ko'y Ikaw" or that we're in any immediate danger of moving out of our house, but the thought of separation is still a sad thing.

Again, sigh.

It's sad to be a statistic.

P.S.
On a happier note, I'll be taking my 3rd exam today so by 3pm this afternoon I'd have taken 3 out of 7 of my required finals. Yey! Only 4 more to go!

Hell Week

This week- study, study, mandatory blog-breaks, study, study, swim?, Torts, study, study, tv break, Transpo, study, study, just stare at the walls break, Sales, study, study, junk food break, Insurance.

Next week- eat property, sleep property, BE property, study, study, Labitag porn, study, study, Med Jur break/exam, study, study, swim?, study, study and a smattering of blog-breaks.

Week after next (Tuesday)- SHET! PROPERTY ORALS!

October 20- Sem break!!!!!!

P.S.

"Himala" is currently playing at the CCP for 3 weeks or so. Try to catch it! I'll be watching this Sunday so I'll give my review then. Go Randy! :)

Meanderings

I should be studying right now, but the impulse to change the world (or at least my immediate surroundings) always comes strongest when I should be doing something admittedly more pressing (e.g. study!)

So in an effort to avoid (at least temporarily) my books and reviewers, I've:

a. changed my blog lay-out
b. studied up on HTML and CSS
c. re-arranged my closet
d. browsed through magazines for the perfect 'do
e. wandered aimlessly around the house looking for munchies
f. wrote this entry

I've also nurtured my superstition of self-denial as some sort of a barter (ooohhh....have to study Sales pa pala) with God in exchange for decent grades. Why is it that all gimik plans and invites come tumbling in when you absolutely just cannot and should not indulge in fun activities?! And when your schedule is absolutely spotless, that's when everybody else has their own things to attend to. This God is a perverse god methinks :)

So anyway, I've basically offered my social life to the burning pyres of the Finals Gods for the next two weeks or so. And after that, it's either Anilao or Bohol for me baby! Woohooo! Not a bad trade-off, IMHO.

Before I imposed this policy on sacrificial offerings, I stopped by my friend's house for a praise and worship session of San Miguel. Anyway, the usual faces were there, except for Paolo/Pei who was John's HS barkada. I was busy catching up with Peachy, whom I haven't seen in the longest time (hint! hint!) when Pei suddenly asked me if I went to UPSouth during my pre-school days (almost 20 years ago). Apparently, we were classmates back then and he recognized me. I don't know what shocked me more, that he recognized me in spite of the passage of 20 years or that I still look like my six-year old self (as he pointed out). I mean c'mon! I'd personally like to believe (at least for my peace of mind) that I no longer look the same as I did when I had my de riguer Beatles/bowl haircut and scabby legs.

Of course, I could take this all positively and insist that I'm still as baby-looking as I used to be 19 years ago :p One thing's for sure though, I'm definitely steering clear of bangs when I visit the parlor two weeks from now.

Pei promised to bring a copy of our class picture in prep next week *cringe*. So it looks like somebody is skipping praise and worship this coming Thursday night (I have to study no! :p).

Ok, enough stalling. Evidence and Torts, I submit myself to thine power! Thy will be done.